Mr. Dr. Sir Professor Blaisican vienershintzle, MD PhD.
Recently President Trump has come out of the closet and has officially declared himself a homosexual. Although this event has taken place very recently I believe I have suspected this to happen. I have been to the White House multiple times and each time Donald has mentioned that he had the jimmies. Now this is where Trump went wrong. I have the highest degree in homosexual terminology and I knew right then and there that Trump had anal fissures. How does one obtain anal fissures you may ask? There is only one way, and that is… Butt sex. Why else would Trump only have adopted kids huh? There’s a simple answer…HE’S GAY. Now I’m not only a doctor of homosexual terminology but I’m also a master of the dark arts of the highest intelligence. In fact I am such a master that I created the spell “skidattle skidootle your dick is now a noodle” Why else do you think Olympic Decathalon winner Bruce Jenner became a “woman”. My apprentice in wizardry, Jojo fapinella, is acting VERY sus lately. In fact he has been acting so sus that I’ve began to question his sexuality. He has been sticking his vienershintzle in my mouth while I sleep and I swear it’s the most annoying thing. To help him go to sleep sometimes I finish him off just so he stops wanking in my bedroom.
Published 2/2/18 Authorized and approved and authenticated by NASA